257 Countries (inc. Taiwan) to Choose From – 1st Round

Posted by on Sep 3, 2012

Click Here to read the intro blog post first so you know what I’m talking about in this post!

So how many countries in the world are there to choose from?

According to some site on Google there are only 257 countries that are not disputed. Whatever that means. Does partially disputed mean they are at war? That would rule about 60 out.

About.com says there are 196 countries in the world. The USA only recognises 195 as it does not recognise Taiwan as an independent country because China claims it’s a wee province of theirs.

Some sources will claim there are only 193 countries because that’s the amount in the UN but the Vatican and Kosovo are independent and not members of the UN.

So where to? Where should I pack my family off to in the world for a new idyllic start? I’m going to keep an open mind and go through them one by one. There are a few instant strike offs: any country at war or with war potential in near future. Most small  tropical islands that are good for two weeks holidays but boring after that. I’m not a big lover of sun, sea, sand combinations – we’re not a beach loving family – more forest jungle type people. More Tarzan than Robinson Crusoe. 

I’m ruling out the continent of Africa too – too many countries at war, famine and creatures that can kill you. 

Eastern European countries are out too – I’ve been to a few and we’re really not looking for the historical, town type life. The languages are too diverse and I find the people too serious. Also there are tons of eastern European people in Ireland, so if they are coming here they must be getting away from something. 

Any country ending in ‘stan’ is ruled out too – you can thank Borat for that one.

Here’s my instant thoughts and yes some of you will think I am as ignorant as hell about the culture, history and geography of some countries and you are right, I am. So if you want to educate me about a country you know and that I have unfairly ditched, leave a comment.

1.
 Afghanistan - I’ve read ‘A Thousand Suns’ and while a compulsory burka would be a godsend at the moment to hide my ebbing obesity, I intend to be fit and in shape before my great escape so your off the list. Only 256 to go.
2
Akrotiri - Never heard of you so you stay as a possibility.
3
Albania - You sound like Albino but I won’t hold it against you. But Eastern Europe category rules you out.
4
Algeria - I think you are at war but will check my facts.
5
American Samoa - You’re an island – great for two weeks but don’t think an island would suit me.
6
Andorra - Is that not a fictional country where The Princess Diaries was based around?
7
Angola - I thought you were Algeria – are you at war to? Maybe you’re at war with each other…will check my facts.
8
Anguilla - Never heard of you, maybe you are one of those disputed places, will check you out though.
9
Antarctica - Jezus no – The novelty of snow wears off  for me after one snowman build.
10
Antigua and Barbuda - Barbuda? Really?
11
Argentina - Don’t Cry For Me… is that where people go to learn to tango?
12
Armenia - I think they shout at news cameras a lot and wave guns in the air?
13
Aruba - ARUBA, ARUBA… oh no wait that should be Ariba, Ariba…
14
Ashmore and Cartier Islands - Never heard of them – are they made of diamonds?
15
Australia - I instantly think – it’s a bit far, but then I think, far from what?
16
Austria - Flowery meadows and snow capped mountains – too much snow again – see Antartica
17
Azerbaijan - Any country ending in ‘jan’ or ‘stan’ is out thanks to Borat.
18
Bahamas, The - I am not a mad beach bunny so again I think the image of living in a sun sea sand location would turn into a nightmare for me after a week.
19
Bahrain - You should be  ‘Bahrain-ijan’.
20
Bangladesh - They eat a lot of eggs I believe, which wouldn’t be good for my high colestral.
21
Barbados - See The Bahamas.
22
Bassas da India - You sound like you are saying ‘Better Than India’. Never heard of you but I think you are funny so you are staying on the possible list.
23
Belarus - Nuclear fall out rules you out.
24
Belgium - Drove through here once and nearly died of boredom. Also I think the fact that you call your people ‘Belch’ is not very attractive.
25
Belize - Possible.
26
Benin - Benign? Are you a cancerous growth? If not I will check you out.
27
Bermuda - I never liked the sound of the triangle in band practice, so you’re out.
28
Bhutan - You should be a ‘ijan’ too.
29
Bolivia - I know someone called Olivia and when I hear Bolivia I heard ‘Boil Olivia’ I am sure that wouldn’t be good for my feng shui.
30
Bosnia and Herzegovina - I did some charity work for you once, not a good sign.
31
Botswana - Africa.
32
Bouvet Island  – You’re an island and I don’t know where you are.
33
Brazil - Possible. Although there are a lot of people and insects that borrow into your head (the insects not the people).
34
British Indian Ocean Territory - I’m sure you are an isalnd.
35
British Virgin Islands -  - Good for holiday.
36
Brunei - Africa.
37
Bulgaria - No. Eastern Europe doesn’t attract me.
38
Burkina Faso - Don’t know where you are so you’re through to second round.
39
Burma - Where are you again? Will Check.
40
Burundi - Africa
41
Cambodia - Possible
42
Cameroon - Africa
43
Canada - Possible
44
Cape Verde - Island
45
Cayman Islands - Island
46
Central African Republic - Central and Africa – I feel clostraphophe coming on.
47
Chad - Africa?
48
Chile - No too mountainous and near the Antartic.
49
China - Don’t think so, although everything is made there and it is a growing economy, but your human rights record isn’t the may wst I have to say.
50
Christmas Island - I love Christmas. I imagine this place is like living inside Willy Wonkas Chocolate factory but I secretly know it’s an island in the middle of no where so ruling out visiting so I can stay pleasantly delusional about it.
51
52
53
Colombia - Too many drug barons.
54
Comoros - Don’t know where you are.
55
56
Congo, Republic of the - Africa and are you not the above?
57
Cook Islands - Islands in middle of no where.
58
Coral Sea Islands - Islands that sound pretty.
59
Costa Rica - Are you not Peurto Rica or in Spain? Will check you out.
60
Cote d’Ivoire - Africa.
61
Croatia - No too expensive and eastern european.
62
Cuba - No your an island and you have a culture of boxing children.
63
Cyprus - No too dry and hot.
64
Czech Republic - No, I was there and you’re too eastern european.
65
Denmark - boring.
66
Dhekelia - never heard of you.
67
Djibouti - Never heard of you.
68
Dominica - Dominica of what? Never heard of you.
69
Dominican Republic - Was there. You’re an island.
70
Ecuador - Possible.
71
Egypt - Africa and no.
72
El Salvador - You were at war too recently?
73
74
Eritrea - Franklin. Don’t know you, so you’re still in.
75
Estonia - Eastern Europe.
76
Ethiopia - Africa, famine.
77
Europa Island - Never heard of you but you are an island.
78
Falkland Islands (Islas Malvinas) - No GB wrecked you and your islands.
79
Faroe Islands - Islands.
80
Fiji - Out in the middle of nowhere.
81
Finland - Too cold in winter.
82
France - Possible.
83
French Guiana - I think you’re African?
84
85
French Southern and Antarctic Lands - 10 or of 10 for trying to warm your name up with ‘French’ and ‘Southern’ but the Antartic sadly gives you away as being fucking cold.
86
Gabon - Africa?
87
Gambia, The Africa.
88
Gaza Strip - Will I laugh now?
89
Georgia - Are you not a state in the USA?
90
Germany - No, I lived there for a while, germans are too stern.
91
Ghana - Africa.
92
Gibraltar - You’re a rock, which is smaller than an island.
93
Glorioso Islands - You sound lovely, glorious in fact, but you are islands.
94
Greece - You would have been a big possibility but with all the shit that is happening in Europe I envisage a future of a lot of unrest and cutbacks
95
Greenland - I know you were supposed to be called Iceland and you are melting.
96
Grenada - You’re an island.
97
Guadeloupe - Don’t know about you.
98
Guam - I think you are in Africa.
99
Guatemala - Maybe.
100
Guernsey - Boring.
101
Guinea - Africa?
102
Guinea-Bissau - Africa?
103
Guyana - Afrcia?
104
Haiti - No, you’re wrecked.
105
Heard Island and McDonald Islands - I hadn’t ‘heard’ McDonald’s has it’s own island? I wonder is everyone obese?
106
Holy See (Vatican City) - No too corrupt.
107
Honduras - You’re over in the America’s I think … Jez my geography knowledge has gone to hell.
108
Hong Kong - Maybe
109
Hungary - No Eastern European. I was there and all I can remember is that the parliment buiding had 934 steps. Every friggin tour told us this. so no.
110
Iceland - No. Your name says it all.
111
India - Possible.
112
Indonesia - Possible.
113
Iran - War and burkas
114
Iraq - War and burkas
115
Ireland - Getting out of here although I do love massive elements of it, especially the people. The weather, politics and economy get to me. And the cost of living is pretty high.
116
Isle of Man - Boring.
117
Israel - No. 
118
Italy - Possible.
119
Jamaica - Island and too much hash
120
Jan Mayen - Where?
121
Japan - No you’re wrecked from Earthquake that still has leaky nuclear bits that no one is talking about.
122
Jersey Boring.
123
Jordan - Too much sand and deserts
124
Juan de Nova Island - island but curious
125
Kazakhstan - you’re a stan
126
Kenya - Africa
127
Kiribati - You sound like an Indian second course.
128
Korea, North - No. You’re Korean, you eat dogs and you are close to war.
129
Korea, South - See above.
130
Kuwait - Are your oil wells still on fire? Desert, sand and araby stuff are not my cup of tea.
131
Kyrgyzstan - You’re a stan.
132
Laos - You’re nice but you have a lot of drug trafficing going on.
133
Latvia - Eastern Europe.
134
Lebanon - You have war issues.
135
Lesotho - Africa.
136
Liberia - You sound cold, Eastern european or African, can’t remember but both rule you out.
137
Libya - Africa
138
Liechtenstein - Didn’t Ireland have a football match there once?
139
Lithuania - Eastern Europe
140
Luxembourg - Small and boring
141
Macau - Are you a parrot or type of cookie?
142
For Part 2 click here. (soon!)
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